Okay. Here I go Again

I had a blog; I took it off. Did you see it? Do you remember?



I took it off for one reason, important to me. I want to be loved. I have tried so hard to be good, to be adored, to be loved by all. But I wasn't, when I blogged, I wasn't all that good, I wasn't loved by enough. I was according to my friend, Shari, not focused. I was according to my friend, and some other readers, mean. Mean. I was, according to my friend, Gary, drunk. I was according to my friend, Matt, an idiot without a "real job".



So I am beginning again.



My only rebuttal to any negative reactions is that I have a job that I don't love, that doesn't possibly come close to my creative and intellectual possibilities (I mean, a monkey can do my job), but it is a real job. I make earn an income. I pay my bills with my stupid job. And then I get to meet all of these people. These people that are facinating. That teach me all kinds of things that I might one day know or never know. I only kind of, sometimes understand.



At some point, quite sooner than I will feel comfortable with I will repost my old blog. Because in a very important way, it matters to me.



I think that when you choose to write, to really write, the ugly comes out and the author must expose herself as the antogonist, if she ever wants to be the protagonist. She has to say this is how ugly I am. This is the person that is in my head. The person with the stories, the person who writes about the good also writes about the world that she is often dissappoints.